


Helictite

by ambiguously



Series: Starfall [6]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Coming of Age, Dysfunctional Family, Family Secrets, Gen, Kylo Ren Backstory, Seduction to the Dark Side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 03:19:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5692600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben is the smartest pupil in his school, but his temper gets him into trouble one too many times. His desperate parents send him to the one person they hope can teach him to use his gifts, yet as he uncovers the truth about his own past, a second teacher begins whispering in his ear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

* * *

His whole life feels like a puzzle where a quarter of the pieces were left in the box, and a third of what's left make up another picture than the one he's supposed to see. Ben doesn't have words for this when he is still a small child, and his frustrations destroy his toys, his computers, and once, half the apartment where they live. He hates not knowing.

His parents are the first things in his personal universe which do not fit, and which he can't understand. Later, he learns the chasm of difference between his royal mother and his knave of a father. Early on, he can tell entire worlds of conversation pass over him, significance in a smile or a muttered sigh. He grows into confusion.

"You did great," says his father when Ben brings home another school project with the highest marks. He claps Ben on the shoulder with encouragement.

When his mother returns home, she makes a sad face, half-smiling, and she's not as pleased. "That's a good grade, but I wish you'd worked harder on that."

"Don't knock it, Leia," says his father, and Ben worries they're going to quarrel again. "He's going to have perfect grades this year if he keeps this up."

"I know." She looks at her son, and Ben can't help but squirm under her gentle stare. "You're very smart, Ben. I know that. You need to learn that smart won't get you everywhere. You also have to work hard." She takes his project. "I like the way you wrote this up, but you know that's exactly what the teacher wanted you to write."

"So?" Ben was so proud when he showed his father the project. Now he's angry at himself, and at his teacher. "She made it too easy. The other kids are stupid."

"I don't think that's true. I'd like you to work on this again, just for me. I think you can do a better job."

"He doesn't need extra homework. He's doing fine."

"He could be doing much higher level work, Han. He just needs to be challenged." There's that quarrel. Ben snatches the project from his mother's hand and storms back to his own room. He doesn't like this new apartment, away from the nice double-sized unit they lived in when he was little. He doesn't like that Chewbacca doesn't live with them any more, or his uncle. He doesn't like the other children in this building, or the class he attends with them.

Mother says he's smart. He doesn't feel smart as he tears the paper into pieces and throws them on his floor.

* * *

The Administrator's office is the last place he wants to be. Both his parents are here. His mother had to leave session early and his father had to cut short a supply run to Joralla. He will be hearing about this afterwards, and the knowledge makes him sink deeper into his chair.

"Senator, I want you to know we all love Ben here." A lie. He's getting better at spotting them. The Administrator only sees Ben when another teacher has sent him to the office. Half his teachers are frightened of him after what he accidentally did to the windows. It wasn't a big deal. They got replaced within a few days. He's sure the other kids whisper about him when he's not looking. He can feel their stares. For a couple of them, he can almost hear their thoughts.

The idea makes him smile inside. He's always had powers, but mind powers? Those are the coolest Jedi abilities.

"I'm sure," says his mother, here in the present and unable to read Ben's thoughts. "You didn't call us both here to tell us you like him." Mother is a politician, capable of telling people to go to hell while convincing them they're agreeing to a long holiday on a tropical planet. She's also capable of being very direct.

"We don't feel the school is a good fit for him."

Father is always quick to take Ben's side. Today is no exception. "Listen, he's a great kid. I know he's had a few problems, but you can't just kick him out because he's special."

Ben doesn't like that word. 'Different' is more direct. Ben is different. None of his classmates can levitate the desks. None of them have perfect scores on every test.

"Captain Solo, I would love to be able to educate your son. He's a treasure." Another lie. "I can't. We can't. He's exceptionally bright, but he's bored. No child should be able to have as high marks as he does."

"Then promote him," Mother says. "Give him higher level work."

"We've tried that. He also received perfect marks on the advanced work."

Ben sits back, proud again. He's a genius. He knows it. Maybe they'll send him to a special genius school.

The Administrator says, "We know he's cheating, but I'm afraid we can't determine how."

Embarrassment stomps him to the floor, and he rises from his seat, fists raised. "I didn't cheat! I don't cheat! You're lying!"

His father's hand is instantly on his arm, but it's the sharp pressure of the wind knocked from his lungs that pushes him back to his chair. Mother hasn't moved from her seat. "Sit down," she says quietly but Ben can't move at all until she lets him.

She says, "That's a very serious allegation. I'll accept your determination of the facts, but I don't believe it's true." She glances at Ben, whose face is burning and whose heart is racing, and whose mind is clawing at the invisible bands holding him still. "Ben is still learning to use his powers. We've known for some time he's prescient and we believe he's learning to read minds."

The Administrator's face loses its cool demeanor. "You didn't think to tell the school?"

Father says, "We didn't know he'd gotten there yet. His uncle didn't start reading minds until he was in his twenties."

That's another piece Ben didn't know, and he grabs it greedily. Mother and Father don't talk about Uncle Luke often. When Ben was small, he came to visit often. When he thinks back hard enough, he remembers his uncle even lived with them in the old apartment. Uncle Luke has gone off to learn more Jedi lore and to seek out Force sensitives like Ben and his mother, and he rarely visits now.

His uncle is a key, Ben realizes, seeing the expressions crawl over the Administrator's face. In his absence, Luke Skywalker's legend is growing: he destroyed the first Death Star with a wave of his hand, and he slew Darth Vader and the Emperor with barely a word. Ben's parents say the stories aren't true. But they won't tell him what is true. He's been trying to sort out what really happened, and who his uncle is, and why he left, for as long as he can remember. There's so much Ben wants to know.

The Administrator's face settles into calm, but Ben can read the fear underlining each word. "We have started the process to remove Ben from the school. If there's another placement you'd prefer, I would be happy to make the connections. I do have a few recommendations." A paper is placed on the desk and shoved towards Ben's parents.

"I don't have to go to school any more?"

"You're going to school," Father says.

The Administrator looks at Ben's mother. "The other children are frightened of him. I'm sorry."

"Thank you for your time," Mother says, and she leaves without taking the recommendation list. Ben and his father follow her. While they spoke, someone has cleaned out Ben's desk and left his papers and supplies in a box by the office door.

"They're dumb anyway," Ben says, picking up his box. "I can learn more on my own."

"You are going to school," Father repeats. "This school. They can't just remove you without warning."

"We'll hire a tutor," Mother says. She makes a sad face at Ben. "A droid. You can't read droids, even by accident."

* * *

Ben can destroy droids.

* * *

The hologram of his uncle flickers. "Are you sure?"

"No," Father says.

Mother says, "I think it's the best idea. We've been over every other possibility. I can take a sabbatical and work with him myself, but I can't teach him how to control his gifts."

Ben isn't supposed to be listening. He long ago figured out how to change the settings on his computers to allow him unlimited access to any camera he wants. Mother doesn't often remember to shut down the vid cam on her own computer after she's finished meetings.

He's drinking in the sight of his uncle. The few photographs they have are old, from when Uncle Luke and Ben's mother were barely out of their teens. Ben doesn't have enough memories of his uncle to form a more coherent picture in his mind. The man looks older than his thirty-five years, older than Mother who is his twin. The Force changes you, Ben thinks. That and living on a desert world for half your life.

Father says, "I don't think we should send him away."

"Don't think of it like you're sending him away," says Uncle Luke. "You're right. If he's developing his powers this fast, he needs to learn to use them wisely. In the old days, Jedi were trained from infancy."

"You weren't. Leia wasn't."

"I don't know how to use my powers, Han. Ben could be a great Jedi." She takes Father's arm, and looks at her brother. "Do you think you can train him?"

"I hope so. The school is just getting off the ground. I have a few students, and more are arriving as I find time to collect them."

Father rolls his eyes. "We talked about you not starting cults, Luke."

Uncle Luke laughs warmly. "I'll do my best, thanks, Han." Something in the way they stand changes. His uncle says, "It'll be nice to have him here. I've missed watching him grow."

"Well," says Father, "you could always come back to...."

Mother interrupts him. "Han and Chewie will bring Ben in a few days. Give them your coordinates." She offers a sweet, genuine smile. "Maybe this will convince you to contact us more often. You don't have to move back to Coruscant, but I've missed talking with you."

"We'll both call home all the time when he's here," his uncle says. "Han, see you soon."

Leaving. He's leaving, and he's going to live with his uncle the famous Jedi. Even before his parents come to his room to tell him, Ben starts to pack.

* * *

Father tries to talk with him during the voyage. Chewbacca leaves them in peace. He's never forgiven Ben for the time Ben accidentally set part of his fur ablaze.

"If you don't like it, you don't have to stay. You can come home." It's eerily close to what he tried to say to Uncle Luke. Ben suspects his father is jealous. He and his mother and his uncle have powers. Father doesn't.

"I want to go. Uncle Luke can train me to be a Jedi Knight."

"Yeah." Father sits back. "You know Luke never finished his own training. Master Yoda trained him for a little while. He's picked up a lot on his own." His face goes through a number of emotions. Ben has heard stories of what happened on Bespin, and why his uncle's training was cut short. Darth Vader tortured Ben's father and encased him in carbonite, and Uncle Luke felt it, and stopped his studies to come to Father's rescue.

Ben hopes he's as Force sensitive some day. He hopes his own training isn't truncated by his father's needs.

He can't wait to begin.

"Hey, you want to fly the old girl for a while?"

"Sure." Ben learned the controls of the _Falcon_ when he was eight years old. At almost twelve, he feels he's mastered the technique. He can't quell the excitement he feels when Father allows him the pilot's seat.

"Like this," Father says, as if Ben doesn't already know.

They soar through space together, Ben flying towards his future.

* * *

The planet is nothing like Coruscant. Instead of gleaming lights, half the world shrouds itself in darkness every night. Instead of comfortable buildings outfitted with electricity and kitchens and soft beds, Uncle Luke and his young apprentices sleep in simple structures they have built themselves, and eat only the grim supplies dropped off by the occasional transport and whatever they can grow on their own.

"How do you watch vids?" Ben asks, as he carries his bags into the small cabin he will share with three others.

"We don't get many transmissions out here," Uncle Luke explains. "We've got generators for the power we need, but it takes too much energy to send and receive regular signals."

"I could bring you more generators," Father says, looking around with mild distaste.

"We don't need them. If we do, I'll bring more."

It's primitive, and stinks of wildlife. Ben learns the itch of biting insects and the constant strain of unfamiliar pollens on his sinuses, and he dreams of clean sheets and new clothes. He has a flash of this as he hugs his father good-bye and waves to Chewie. There's an exchange between his father and uncle he cannot read at all. They don't hug, though Chewie takes Uncle Luke into a giant embrace.

"Call whenever you want," Father tells him. "Your mother is gonna miss you like crazy, and so am I."

"I will," Ben says, and he doesn't know he's lying.

* * *

The other apprentices don't know what to make of him at first. Everyone has been the new arrival, but Ben has known about his powers since birth. He's a natural. The day he arrives, he expects to help train the other students as part of his own studies. In fact, shortly after the _Millennium Falcon_ soars away, Uncle Luke pats Ben on the shoulder. "I'm glad you're here. We can really use your help."

He shows Ben the shovels.

"Are we using these to practice lightsaber battles?" Ben's dreamed about the hum of his own magical sword warming his hands as he fights imaginary bad guys.

"No. We need to move the latrines. It's been three months." Uncle Luke explains in further biodegradable detail as he hands out the shovels to the rest of the apprentices, keeping one for himself.

Ben stares. "You're joking." He doesn't want to take the shovel. "That's for droids."

"The only droid here is R2, and he doesn't dig holes or cook." A series of beeps erupts from the astromech, which Ben doesn't understand but suspects is a list of other tasks R2 doesn't do. Threepio has a similar list back home.

"Why can't we use the Force to dig new holes?"

Uncle Luke sets his own shovel on the ground point down, and rests his hands on the handle. "All right. Why don't you give it a try?"

Ben is aware of the other apprentices watching him curiously. He affects to ignore them and walks casually over to a spot.

"Not there," says Uncle Luke. "Our well water is too close." He nods to a location about ten meters away.

Ben changes his course and stands where his uncle indicated. Telekinesis has always been one of his gifts. Shifting dirt shouldn't be difficult. He closes his eyes and reaches into that place inside his head where the power slumbers like a great beast. As he tries to tap into the Force, he becomes more sensate of the planet around him, feels the heart rate and respiration of his fellow students, even hears the microscopic noise of the servos in his uncle's false hand as he taps absently on the handle of his shovel.

The dirt refuses to move.

He tries, and keeps trying. Behind him, he's sure the other apprentices are laughing to themselves. As the hole refuses to grow, Ben is certain his uncle the great Jedi is disappointed. Ben will be sent home. Heat climbs his neck and face. A single clump of mud rises and crumbles.

He feels a hand on his arm. Uncle Luke says, "Good try. Now let's get this dug up before dinner." Ben turns angrily, but no one is laughing. The others have gathered their shovels and are waiting for him to move out of the way. After a moment, he grabs his own shovel and begins digging, still angry with himself.

"Lesson one," says Uncle Luke, already grimy. "You can use the Force for many reasons to do many things, but most of the time, the best thing you can do is use your own hands."

His hands bleed with blisters by the end of the day. His uncle has a healing salve and a few calm words that help the skin repair. "I'm sorry you didn't have a fun first day. I've been waiting for the weather to clear enough for us to dig. Tomorrow will be better."

Ben sleeps soundly, worn out and dreaming of all the exciting lessons he's about to learn.

* * *

Half of his lessons are in old books. Uncle Luke scoured the galaxy for remnants. The Empire burned or stole all the Jedi lore they could after the slaughter of the order. Rather than well-kept and updated text reels, Ben must squint at faded print in tomes and scrolls locked up and forgotten for decades, none of which are complete. One book is a scrap of history, another teaches food preparation.

They spend hours a day in meditation, which Ben loathes. He doesn't want to waste his time sitting still, not when he can be learning to fight.

"You have to find your inner self before you can unlock your potential."

"It's boring."

"Then allow yourself to be bored and see where it takes you."

Half of Uncle Luke's lessons sound deep. The other half sound like ridiculous pap he makes up on the spot. Ben changes his mind again and again as to which is which.

When they begin what Ben thinks of as the true Jedi training, he's relieved. This is why he's here: to learn to control and use his powers. Books and sitting around are for hermits. That's fine for someone like his uncle, who is old and done with being part of things. Ben knows just enough about the Jedi knights to see himself as one, active in galactic politics like his mother but far more direct in his interventions. She can write treaties. He'll enforce them.

Bolstered by this plan, he sits with the younger apprentices who've arrived more recently, watching his uncle demonstrate a simple Force exercise by catching a ball without looking. Ben remembers this, almost, from when he was very small and Uncle Luke still came to visit.

"Break into pairs. Take turns closing your eyes and catching. If you can't keep them closed, I've got blindfolds."

Ben pairs up with a boy named Marl. Finally he gets a chance to show what he can do, even if it is a baby game. "Throw it," he says, squeezing his eyes shut.

The ball hits him hard on the shoulder. It hurts!

"Bad throw, sorry," says Marl, closing his own eyes. "Throw it back."

Ben tosses the ball a little to Marl's side. Marl's hand snakes out without a pause, snatching the ball from the air. "Okay, now you catch."

Ben does catch this one. He manages to catch six of Marl's ten throws. Marl doesn't miss any. Every time he drops the ball, Ben grows more frustrated. "You're throwing it wrong."

"You're not paying attention to yourself," Marl says in a calm voice Ben thinks is more than a little snotty. "You have to feel the ball coming towards you."

After a few more throws, Ben's got the rhythm. He senses Marl's arm, which gives him a good idea where the ball will go. He tries throwing the ball farther and farther when it's his turn to toss. His partner catches the ball easily each time, until he has to dive for the last one. Ben frowns as that throw lands right in Marl's blue hand.

"When are we going to learn something useful?" Ben asks. He's done playing this game.

"Every skill is useful," says his uncle walking by. Ben suspects this is one of the sayings Uncle Luke just made up. Luke pauses, and casts a glance to a place where no one is standing. "Enough of that, both of you."

Ben follows his eyes. "Both of who?"

Marl says, "You don't see them yet? It's okay. You will."

* * *

New apprentices arrive every couple of weeks. There's a pilot who's about his uncle's age who is helping to identify Force-sensitive people, both children and adults. Some come to the school to see what Uncle Luke is teaching. Some leave again shortly after they arrive, not interested in the privations and long path promised by someone who didn't complete his own training.

The pilot is also a half-trained Jedi. Ben learns this when Ezra grabs a ball out of the air as he watches one of the training exercises.

"You could stay," Luke says, as Ezra throws the ball to a blindfolded little girl who jumps up and catches it. 

"Not my style. I've already had one Master."

"I was thinking you would make a good teacher. You're much better at it than I am."

Ezra smiles. "We all save the galaxy in our own way. You show the younglings how not to blow themselves up with their own brains, then send them back to me and I'll show them how to dodge blasters."

Ben thinks Ezra's class sounds far more interesting than learning to perform one-handed balance postures, but Ezra drops off his latest set of new pupils, has a brief chat with empty air, and blasts off again.

* * *

Everything is a test. Every day is more studying. Every week, someone new arrives gifted in the Force, and most of them stay to learn. Ben has been here for nearly a year when Uncle Luke asks the small group of apprentices Ben shares his lessons with to join him on a long walk. They take no food, walking for hours deep into the forest until they reach a point Ben can feel in his bones.

"What's here?" Jaya asks.

"I've never been able to figure that out. I'm hoping some of you will someday. For now, we're going through exercises."

None of the others grumble. Ben has learned to keep his annoyance on the inside. They work through some basic levitation skills and blindfolded identification of movement as Luke releases small drones for them to catch with their bare hands. Nothing they haven't done before.

"Now," he says, shutting down the drones, "we're going to create some projections."

He demonstrates the blue ball projection. Ben has a memory of this from very long ago. He gets excited. This is a test, and he knows what comes after the journey. Their group will be promoted to the next level. The same thing happened to another small group a few months ago, and they're allowed to practice with lightsabers almost every day.

The apprentices spread out.

"Force projection is a useful tool. You can send a message, or distract a foe. It's hard to master, though. Don't be disappointed if you're not successful. I mess it up frequently myself, and I've been practicing for years."

There's a look shared among their little group. The levity isn't fooling anyone.

"I want you to focus in your mind. Create an image before yourself: a single blue ball, about a tenth of a meter wide."

"Any particular shade of blue?" Marl asks.

"Any blue you want. About a tenth of a meter, right in front of yourself."

Eyes close. Ben's the are the last. This is simple. He did this as a baby. He touches his power and instantly feels his hands tingle. The Force projection is cobalt blue, and he can construct it much larger than the small blue orbs he can sense in front of the other students. He grows the ball to a meter, then grows it to encircle the whole group. If Force projections are about showing what he can do with his power, Ben intends to be the best.

Uncle Luke checks around them, taking note of each small orb in front of each apprentice, and gives a smile at the blue surrounding them. "And we're done. Nice shades of blue, everyone. Jaya, I think yours was green."

Jaya says, "I would argue the delineation between blue and green is not especially clear cut. I like that shade of blue best."

They walk back together, chatting more easily. Everyone can tell the test went well, and they are ready for their next level of training. Ben's pleased with himself. His Force projection was well-defined and bright blue, and huge. Even Paolo looked impressed, and he's had hardly anything to do with Ben. It's a good feeling to walk home with them all. Uncle Luke is quiet, but he spends a lot of time in silent contemplation.

The next morning, their group eats breakfast quickly, ready to join the next level training. As they walk over, Luke says, "Ben, I could use your help on something."

"Sure." He keeps his eyes away from where the others are already being shown how to unlock the lightsaber case by the more experienced apprentices. Uncle Luke calls them Padawans, though he says the term doesn't have much meaning without Jedi Masters ready to take them on as pupils.

"I'd like you to help out with the younglings while I'm working with the Padawan group. Can you walk them through some of their exercises?"

He often asks some of the older students to work with the newer children. Even now, Laysa is at the reading tables with a group working through an old book. Yesterday, Ben would have jumped at the chance to show the younglings what to do. Today, his friends are already breaking into groups for sparring.

"Fine," he says with bad grace. "Come on, kids. Let's toss the ball around."

"Thank you," says his uncle, placing his false hand on Ben's shoulder.

Ben spends most of the day herding little kids, when he could be learning Jedi skills. Uncle Luke comes in the afternoon to teach them, but asks Ben to join the reading group.

It takes him until dinner to work up enough annoyance, and he waits impatiently until everyone has broken into their groups for the evening. He follows Luke back to his own small cabin.

"I want to talk to you."

"Of course. Come on in."

Ben's been in here before several times. The transmitter he uses to contact home is in this cabin, and the few books his uncle considers his personal collection are stored here for anyone to borrow and read and return. He has a desk, where he fills new books with notes and keeps a small computer to make more permanent records. He has a small bed that doesn't look any more comfortable than the cot Ben sleeps on. And that's all. No pictures, not of Ben's family or any friends, and no trinkets to put him in mind of home or old times. It's an empty place.

Some nights, Ben misses his bed, and his games, and the posters on his wall, and the smell of his mother's hair, and the sounds of the city around them. He wonders if his uncle misses those things, or if when you become a Jedi, you stop caring.

"Sit down." Ben takes the chair. His uncle sits on his cot. "Want to talk about it?"

"You passed me over. The others were promoted. I'm working with children."

"Yes."

"Why?" He's angry again, buzzing inside his own head.

"You didn't pass the test. Your classmates did. You'll have more chances when you've learned a little more. It's not a competition."

"Jaya is three years younger than I am."

"I know. And she passed the test."

"I made your stupid blue ball. Mine was bigger than everyone else's. I've got plenty of power."

Luke sighs. "Ben, it's not about power. I know you have power. Believe me. When you were a toddler, you threw the table across the room twice."

He's heard this story. Uncle Luke moved out shortly after. He's always wondered if the events were related. "So you know I can do this."

"Of course I do. You created a giant ball, much larger than everyone else's. But it isn't what I asked you to do. Part of learning to use your powers will be learning to use them safely and in moderation. You don't want to use the Force as a hammer at a time when you need a key."

"Then show me how to make the key and the hammer both. I came here for you to teach me, not to read from some old books and do handstands with five year olds."

Luke smiles wanly. "So impatient."

"I'm not!"

"I wasn't talking about you just then." He glancing into a corner of the room again. "It's not as funny as you think," he says to someone Ben is sure isn't there.

Sorrow grips his chest. "You don't want me here."

"What do you mean?"

"My parents didn't know what to do with me, so they sent me to come live here, but you don't want me, either. Fine."

Ben stands in his chair, but Luke is faster, and takes his hand, and gently but firmly sits him down again. "That isn't true. I have longed for you to come here. I set up this school in anticipation that I would be able to train you someday."

Ben goes looking for the lie, and can't find one. "That's stupid," he says, flailing for anything that will hit.

"Maybe. I prefer the term 'foolish,' but you can blame your namesake for that."

He has so many questions now. He's heard stories about General Kenobi, but his mother never met the man, and his father only met him for a day and a half. "You knew him, didn't you?"

"I did. Not as well as I wanted to. He died not long after we met. But the day you were born, I couldn't think of a better name to give you than his." He squeezes Ben's hand. "I am so glad you are finally here, Ben. I've waited so long to get to know you."

"You never came to visit."

"I had a lot to do to get this place ready. I had a lot of students to meet." The truth floats on a sea of words Ben can't read in Luke's mind. "You're here now."

"But I'm not going to move to the next level."

"Not yet. Soon enough."

"Even though I'm more powerful than the other apprentices?"

"Even though. If it was just about power, your mother could wipe the floor with me. I tested her after we found out the truth, and in raw strength, the Force runs much stronger in her."

"But she doesn't use it very much." 

"Leia's got other skills, and she prefers diplomacy. She doesn't want to be a Jedi. She tries not to use her powers because untrained Jedi are much easier to sway to the Dark Side. Anyone can tap into rage and fear. I've seen her angry, and I've seen her afraid. She knows better than to unleash that on the galaxy."

He starts to ramble, but old people do that sort of thing. "In the old days, Jedi used to remove small children from their families to train them when they were very young in order to keep them safe from themselves. I tried training you when you were a baby. I wasn't very good at it. Ben, Obi-Wan I mean, he said that was the problem with our father. He started too late."

"That's why he died," Ben says.

Uncle Luke looks confused. "Yes, eventually."

"I've looked this up. Mother has a lot of research on your parents. Grandmother was the elected Queen of Naboo. Grandfather was a Jedi Knight. He died during the purge of the order. If he'd had more training when he was younger, maybe he could have fought back."

Uncle Luke asks, "Where did you hear that story?"

"It's in the official records. Anakin Skywalker died at the Jedi Temple right before you and Mother were born."

There's something. It's written on Uncle Luke's face. "I suppose that's true from a certain point of view."

He knows that phrase. It's something his whole family uses to mean 'a big fat lie.' "He didn't die at the Jedi Temple?" Uncle Luke shakes his head. "What happened?"

Luke tells him.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Chapter Two

* * *

Ezra's ship is zippy and easy on the controls. Ben left a note that he plans to return _Windsong_ in a couple of days. He intends to be back as soon as he can.

Like every other child, he's grown up hearing about the Battle of Endor. The right spurs to his uncle's memories have unlocked more stories, including the final resting place of the greatest despot the galaxy ever knew. Ben's mind is sizzling with questions. Who changed the records? How did Vader never discover his own son living on his home world under Vader's surname and raised by Vader's stepbrother? And how did everything go so wrong to allow a powerful Jedi Knight to fall so deeply into darkness while at the same time spawning two people Ben has always considered perfect archetypes of the Light?

He has to know. He has to know everything.

If nothing else, his uncle has taught him how to dig. Endor's soil is rich and fertile. The only part that remains is the charred exoskeleton that kept Anakin breathing after the man Ben was named for left him there, burning alive.

Everything he is, everything his family has become, is due to this man.

He doesn't know the small figure who joins him in the clearing. Ben's on his guard, and raw as an exposed nerve. "I'm armed," he says. Ezra keeps a blaster on his ship that feels very comfortable at Ben's side.

"I can see that, young one."

The figure is stooped and bald. Ben can sense the Force around him, even as he cranes his head up at Ben's face. "Not many people come digging up corpses."

"You're here, too."

"I came looking for you."

It occurs to Ben that a blaster isn't much good if he's come across a better-trained Force sensitive than he is. It occurs to him that he's alone, except for the crumpled husk of a man he never met and whose soul has long fled. It occurs to him his family is probably worried about him right now.

He shoves all these thoughts away. "What do you want?"

"The same as you. The truth. Lord Vader was incredibly powerful."

"They say the Dark Side gave him his powers." Which is odd, because the rest of the family is also gifted.

"Power is power," says the little man. "Power isn't good or evil. It's what you do with it." That sounds like one of Uncle Luke's lessons, almost. "You don't call a star evil, even if it goes supernova and wipes out the system."

"Are there others like him? I've met other Force sensitives. None of them are as strong." He thinks he should avoid telling this man about the school, but for some reason, he wants to tell him everything he knows.

"Not like him. The Force birthed him. Did they tell you that? The Force impregnated a woman, and she bore a son with no father. Of course, women lie about that sort of thing all the time. Shmi was a slave, you know. I'm sure she wouldn't want the child's father, or the father's owner if he too was enslaved, to take away her only baby. Mothers will protect their children from things they don't want them to know."

The words touch Ben's heart.

"How do you know so much about him?"

"Oh, I met Lord Vader long ago. I'm a great admirer of his, and your whole family. Very talented, all of you. When you have the proper tutelage. Your uncle didn't have much training, and your mother hasn't been trained at all."

"I'm being trained."

"That's good." The man smiles. "I'm sure you are advancing in your studies rapidly."

Ben thinks about working with the younglings, and watching Marl and Paolo square off with the practice lightsabers. "I'm getting there."

"Unlocking your full potential, no doubt. Using your skills. You were always the top of your classes at school."

He's a little unnerved by how much the man knows about him. Ben is used to people knowing who he is. His mother is a well-known politician, and his father was a hero back in the Rebellion, and his uncle runs the school he attends. But this is weird. He realizes he's thinking this while clutching the broken helmet of his dead grandfather. Weird may be the Skywalker default mode.

"You are of course also at the top of your class at the Jedi school."

His traitorous thoughts bubble up again like methane in a swamp, and release a spike of outrage. He's still in with the children! "I did the test too well."

The man nods sympathetically. "Luke is doing an excellent job of ensuring you will never be stronger than he is."

Defense instantly replaces the anger. "That's not what happened. He says he wants me to learn more."

"Obviously, that means he is teaching you more."

Ben doesn't respond. He doesn't like this weird little man with the palpable Force energy surrounding him. He pulls deeper inside himself, retreating into the mental shields his mother showed him when he was small.

"Good, You do know something." The man leans in. "You could learn so much more. I can help you, if you like. I've been looking for an apprentice."

"I already attend a school, thank you." He puts on his most regal air, and can see the little man isn't fooled. Ben is homesick. Part of him, a small and frightened part, thinks the man is going to kill him and eat his bones.

"I don't eat children, my boy. I want to be your friend. You can continue attending your school. Learn what little your uncle will teach you. I will teach you the rest, if you are wise enough to listen. I can help you become very powerful indeed."

He holds out a small device. A transmitter. Ben doesn't touch it. "What's that for?"

"For you. Call it a gift. You can talk with me whenever you like privately. I can train you."

"Not interested."

The man grabs his arm, and a short, hot, purple energy slithers up Ben's arm and into his head. He's struck cold and silent. Suddenly he feels as though his ears are working for the first time in his life, as though he's been deaf this entire time and didn't know. "What have you done?"

"I have helped you activate your gift. Many times, a Jedi's powers won't reveal themselves until they encounter another Jedi."

"I've been training with my uncle."

"Your uncle is a foolish mystic. You are a great sorceror, or you will be. And now, you may use the talent you were born with, plucking thoughts from the minds of others. You can feel them all around you now, can't you?"

He can. The minds of birds flit by, and the thick, slow minds of the great trees, and beyond and above them, the multitude of Ewok minds going about their small little lives in the forest canopy. He can't sense individual thoughts, but he can feel the shapes of them now. He can learn how to read them.

"That's amazing."

"I know."

"I was in trouble for reading minds before. I didn't know it could be so...." He doesn't have words.

"Small, petty jealousies. You can be great, Ben Skywalker."

"That isn't my name." On formal occasions, he uses Ben Organa, which is his legal name marking him as a member of the fallen Alderanian Royal House. At home and at the school he used to attend, his parents gave Solo as his surname to allow him more anonymity.

"Names are what we force the galaxy to refer to us as. Darth Vader was a fine, intimidating name. You will choose a new name for yourself in time, once you discover who you truly are." The little man smiles. "You may call me Lord Snoke."

* * *

"You cannot just steal a ship."

Uncle Luke is angry. No, worse than angry. He's sad and disappointed. The warm glow Ben has had inside himself ever since he unlocked his mind-reading power is as charred and crumbled as Vader's helmet. Snoke took the helmet with him and is keeping it for Ben. Bringing such a treasure back to the school would be too much like a war trophy, and his uncle definitely wouldn't like it. He burned the body and buried the remains to save his father's corpse from desecration. This probably counts.

"I will keep him safe," Snoke promised.

Ben wonders who will keep him safe. Ezra is furious. The other apprentices won't even look at him right now. If Luke expels him from the school, Ben has nowhere left to go to learn about the Force except under the teaching of his secret new friend. If Luke doesn't kick him out, everyone will assume it's because Ben is getting special treatment because he's Luke's nephew. Ben doesn't have to read minds to know this. Luke's mind is closed to him, though the turmoil is visible to anyone.

"I had to know," Ben says in his defense. "I thought he was a hero of the Old Republic. You both let everyone believe he died protecting the Temple. I had to see for myself."

"I understand your frustration. I do. I grew up thinking my father was a pilot, and Obi-Wan told me he was a Jedi, and only years later did Vader tell me the truth." There are lines on his face again. "As you grow, you'll learn there are some things you wish you could unlearn. I think your mother would have been happier never knowing."

"You told her."

"I've never been able to keep things from her. Which is why I contacted her as soon as you went missing."

His stomach hits the floor. "She's going to kill me."

"She did make that threat. Han talked her down. You are in a lot of trouble."

"I know. I'm sorry." _"Be contrite,"_ Snoke advised. _"Beg their forgiveness. Remorse makes everything smoother._

Luke sighs. "I'm not sending you away. Let's not dance around that question."

A small part of the weight settles off his heart. "Thank you."

"The new latrine needs to be dug, and given how many students have arrived, we ought to have a second one. Normally we'd all pitch in to help."

Aching hands loom in his immediate future, and grime he cannot wash from under his nails. "I'm going to work alone, aren't I?"

"Think of this as time for you to consider all your reasons for not stealing another ship, and for the others to see you're not being let off easy just because I love you."

Ben nods, thinking of the small transmitter in his pocket. He's staying at school. He's going to learn. He's going to be a Jedi. And he's going to be great.

* * *

With Snoke's help, and his constant reminders to keep his head down, Ben works his way back into the good graces of the other apprentices. His uncle appreciates the efforts he's making, and even says a word in his defense the next time they call home. His mother is still irritated with his behavior but she says she loves him and hopes he can visit home soon.

He advances to Padawan with the next group of apprentices, conceptualizing a red cube as requested and spinning it with the others. He's privately upset that an apprentice of no more than five years old advances with him, and worse, that she is even more innately powerful than he is.

"Ylla's from an old Jedi family," Uncle Luke says, smiling proudly at the little girl. "I'm pleased to see her progress."

"I'm from an old Jedi family and I've had more training." He is surrounded by children. He should be stronger than they are.

"It isn't a competition."

_"It is a competition,"_ Snoke says for Ben's ears only. _"You will win, but you must bide your time."_ He is teaching Ben to crush rocks with his thoughts when Ben can find time alone. The minds of the other Jedi are hidden behind dark curtains, only surface emotions fluttering the fabric and showing the shape beneath. His fingers itch to delve deep and see their secrets, but fear makes him cautious.

Ben asks questions like circles, never all the same topic at a time. When all the apprentices are gathered together at night to learn the old stories, he asks about stray references in the texts. "I read the Jedi could listen to the thoughts of others. Is that something we'll learn later?"

"It's Dark Side magic." That's as firm a no as Luke ever says.

Two weeks later, during sparring, Ben takes a rest while watching some of his fellow students practice blocking with staffs. Uncle Luke is there to offer help, but Marl's very good at staff work and Ylla uses her small stature to make herself a smaller target.

"That was Master Yoda's technique," his uncle says, watching her bounce and dive.

"Master Yoda was a great warrior."

A fond smile. "He would argue that point. At length."

"What other skills did he have?"

"Cookery. Patience. You need both to train up younglings."

"Jedi skills, I mean. Was he prescient? Could he read the minds of others?"

"I don't think so. During the end of the time of the Jedi, most of those gifted with prescience found their vision clouded." He doesn't answer the rest of the question. Ben changes the subject of his interest, asking about Master Yoda's homeworld instead.

"Can you hear me?" he thinks as loudly as he dares, but if his uncle can still read minds, he gives no sign.

* * *

_"A true conqueror seizes what he wants, but only when his hand is strong enough to clench. Do not take what you cannot hold."_

Ben agrees with the teaching, but he doesn't want anything.

Lord Snoke is good at reading expressions if not minds. _"You want answers. You want to be the greatest Jedi warrior of all time. You want respect. These are all worthy goals for a young man."_ Lord Snoke believes in him, even when Ben is digging more holes.

* * *

Months go by. Uncle Luke announces that they will be taking a break. "R2 and I have to go into space. There are some resources I've been searching for which I believe will help us all advance our studies. Captain Bridger has agreed to take those of you home who wish to visit your families for a few months. We can reconvene when I return." There are questions, which Luke doesn't answer.

Ben isn't permitted to go on _Windsong_ ever again. His father is coming for him in the _Falcon_ and will give Uncle Luke a ride to where he can acquire his own ship. Ben counts down the days, passing over time he could be spending with Snoke to work on his Jedi studies here. He wants to impress his parents.

Most of the others have gone by the time he sees the familiar lines of his father's ship. Those who have no families left are either traveling on their own for a while, or have gone on a retreat deep into the forest with Laysa at the lead. The school area is ghostly, empty.

Chewie comes down the gangplank first. Ben smiles at him, and runs into his father's arms as soon as he sees him.

"Hey." The hug is full of all the affection Ben has so sorely missed. Uncle Luke does care for him a great deal, but he's not effusive, hoping not to alienate the other students. "You've grown half a meter!"

"I haven't," Ben says, awkward and still smiling.

"Seems like it. Luke, what are you feeding him?"

Uncle Luke says, "I was the only one of us who could cook, you know."

Something's there. Uncle Luke's mind is a locked room, but his father is an open book, wide and free for anyone to read. He's looking at Uncle Luke, and there are flashes of fantasy, imagination. No. Memories.

Minds are touchy things, and his father is good at burying things he doesn't like to think about. In an instant, the images Ben saw have been replaced with supply lists and fuel requirements to get Luke to his next destination. Father is many things, and a great pilot is the foremost of them all.

"You can cook dinner tonight. Chewie's all thumbs at it."

Chewbacca says he's a fine chef, and it's Father's problem if he doesn't like steak tartare. Ben has missed their constant ribbing of each other. Uncle Luke is smiling widely, and has also clearly missed them.

Father helps Ben and Luke load their small bags, and cracks a joke at R2-D2 before readying the _Falcon_ for takeoff. Uncle Luke stands in the cockpit and Father glances back at him, and Ben feels the thought again.

They were lovers.

* * *

Over dinner, he tries a new game. It's been so long since he's seen his father in person. The revelation of how simple the man's mind is to read after months surrounded by Jedi makes Ben giddy with his own talent. He can listen to hidden things. He's already uncovered one secret.

"Tell me how you all met."

"You know that," Father says. "We've told you a million times."

But they haven't told him since he's been able to perform his new trick. His father flashed a very clear memory of kissing Uncle Luke earlier, and Ben's positive he hasn't heard about that part of the day they met. "Please."

He knows about the bar on Tatooine. He knows about the destruction of Alderaan, and the narrow escape from the first Death Star. He's heard how the man whose name he bears sacrificed himself for Ben's family to escape. Now each detail, known all his life, is shaded in by flickers of thought from his father. He wasn't on board for rescuing Ben's mother, and thought their plan needed to focus on getting themselves free, not fetching some obnoxious girl that his passenger clearly wanted to bone.

It's not precisely the story they're telling with their mouths. Ben knows that tale well. He can't read Luke's thoughts to corroborate any of his side. His parents fell in love eventually. Love at first sight is for idiots, yet Father's thoughts are thickly layered with the belief that's just what happened, though not for him.

"Then you went to Hoth," Ben provides, letting them go on with as much encouragement as he can. Hoth was a cold, frightening stop in their stories. Ben's heard the story, though never before while sensing his father's nightmare fear that Uncle Luke would die as they huddled together sharing their warmth. The story goes on, and the fears intensify as he talks about the freezing chamber and how Ben's mother was left to a fate he couldn't imagine in Vader's grasp.

"We got away," Uncle Luke says.

"That's when you found out about your father."

Father sighs. "I really wish you hadn't brought that up."

"I needed to know where I came from."

"You came from us," Father says, but there's another truth under his words. He carries himself and his passions too close to the surface.

Secrets. Ben did this to learn secrets. He stands up. "You know what, I'm really tired. I'm going to turn in."

Uncle Luke watches him. "Are you all right?"

"Tired."

"Sure," Father says. "Your room's ready for you." Father gives him a quick hug and even a kiss on his head before Ben retires to his own quarters, heart racing, mind full of the memories his father revisited while thinking about Ben's beginning.

Like most people his age, he knows the basic mechanics of sex. The med droids explained it as just another part of life, to be undertaken when he's old enough to understand the consequences of his own consent. Some of the older Padawans go off in pairs and trios, and Ben has assumed they are engaging in some kind of sex. The activity sounds like an interesting exercise, nothing more.

Nothing could prepare him for the intensity of emotion and sensation that flowed through Father's memories. Dark entanglings, sticky desperations, and gritted endearments stutter into Ben's awareness.

Mother, Father, Uncle.

He doesn't want to know this secret.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Chapter Three

* * *

His emotions are under control by breakfast. He waves his uncle and R2 off on their way when they depart at the second moon of Penovia. Uncle Luke asks him twice more how he's feeling. Ben deflects, just as he has evaded all questions of the time he spends alone. Deceptions are simple when the questions are never asked, as he keeps learning. He continues home with Chewbacca and his father. Hiding his real thoughts away from Father is childishly easy. Chewie watches Ben sometimes, and Ben wonders how much he sees. He won't say anything, except tell Ben about his problems with the antimatter converter and grumble that R2 could have stayed on longer to help with repairs.

"I'm sure he wanted to stay. He's our main computer at school, but between you and me, I think he's bored."

Chewbacca agrees that he would also be bored, and goes back to his eternal job of keeping his beloved rust bucket flying. Ben helps, passing him tools and telling him stories from the school. Chewie doesn't say he's impressed, but he does admit he always suspected Ben would flourish when he finally found his place.

Ben smiles to himself, considering all he's learned from both his teachers. "I think I have."

"You two almost done with that?" Father leans his head in, and for the first time, Ben notices how much grey has crept into his hair. "Leia's on the transmitter, and she says we're late."

Home is smaller than he remembers. More worrisome than that, so is his mother. Her eyes light up when she sees him, and mist over as she gives him a hug. "You're going to be taller than I am the next time I see you." She takes in his simple clothes, the dark homespun material all Luke's apprentices wear for comfort and durability. "Being a Jedi looks good on you."

They don't bring up the stolen ship. They don't bring up his old schools or why he had to go away. This is a pleasant family visit. Mother asks him about the school, peppering him with questions about her brother. He can't pick through her mind to know her reasons. He tells her about his new schoolmates, nothing about his new teacher, and he delights her with embellished tales of Uncle Luke's teaching foibles.

"R2 does not like being levitated by beginning apprentices. Every class has to try, though. They drop him a lot."

"Oh, poor R2-D2," Threepio frets. "Tormented by children. Master Luke knows to treat him better than that. His poor servos won't withstand the damage."

"He's fine," Ben reassures him. "I gave him his last checkup myself."

Threepio tuts away, certain his counterpart is doomed to childcare. For the first time ever, Ben wonders how the pair of them felt when Uncle Luke left and R2 went with him. C-3PO has been here his whole life, assisting Mother. Ben can't picture him on the primitive world at the school full of mud and rocks and no reason to utilize six million languages. But he wonders, if Threepio had a choice, would he have gone?

"You're thinking about something," Mother says. "There's a lot going on behind your eyes."

She's Force-sensitive, if untrained. She and Uncle Luke can read each other's thoughts, and he recalls many times in his own childhood where she called for him and he heard. His shields are well in place now. From behind them, he asks, _"Are you listening? Can you see what I know now?"_

Silence. She doesn't hear him. He's safe. He could slip, though. He could let her in by accident, let her listen to the dark well of thoughts he stirs from time to time. She could see, and she could recoil from her own past or else take him into her arms like she did when he was small enough to fit in her lap, and she could rock him and tell him things are not as horrible as he's beginning to believe. She could love him, and he can be safe again, if he lets her hear.

_"Listen to me."_

He can't make himself drop his mental barriers enough to touch his mother's mind. He kisses her cheek instead and begs weariness again.

Nothing is right here. The bed is too soft. The noises from the city are too loud. The shouts of the billion minds surrounding him oppress in like a constant wave. Ben shuts himself in his room and finds his meditation skills hold back the worst of the mental racket from outside.

There's little he can do about the turmoil within.

He hasn't contacted Lord Snoke since they left the Jedi school. Each time he's in a room with his mother, he stops wanting to study Snoke's teachings, and wants to make her happy with him. Each time he's in a room with his father, he hears Snoke's voice reminding him the strong must never bow down to the weak. When they are together, he hears his uncle, and thinks there must be balance in all things.

His indecision drives him at last to activate the transmitter when he knows his parents aren't home.

_"You have delayed."_

"I'm sorry."

If Snoke sees Ben is using his own trick on him, he doesn't say. _"Tell me what you have learned since we spoke."_

From a certain point of view, deception is merely another form of truth. "I've learned nothing new of value. Teach me. Please, Master."

* * *

He spends time in the city, wandering and listening. Surface thoughts are simple. The deeper secrets, the hidden thoughts, those require more effort. Lord Snoke has taught him how best to approach a stranger and delve his mental fingers into a less than willing brain. He saves this for the most crowded transports, when he's just another face in a multitude, and his chosen target can't readily identify him later.

It's a game.

He learns new secrets, the petty and the important. None are his, and none scorch him as terribly as his earlier forays. He wanders, musing on his most recent acquisition. A local politician, in charge of this district of Coruscant, has been selling his votes on certain legislation. The corporation he's helping has made millions of credits on him, and he is considering holding out for more but is worried he'll be discovered. Ben sat in the next transport car for almost an hour, listening to the man's surface thoughts until he couldn't resist thrusting in deeper. Ben can still feel his fear, can hear the whimper echoing as Councilman Noy fell against his own seat. Noy doesn't know who Ben is, but there are only so many possible potential Jedi wandering this area of the great city.

Ben will have to stop. He can't afford to be caught out with a pattern. Lord Snoke's instruction has been clear on keeping his gifts quiet.

He's in front of a shop, one of several owned by Noy's partner in deceit. There's a sparkle in the window which catches Ben's eye. He goes inside.

"Tell me about the gem in the window," he says to the first employee he sees.

He's back in his good clothes. Mother always had plenty of credits to her name. He can't be dismissed as some poor beggar, although his age factors into a quick assessment as the employee says, "Blue topaz, set with diamonds in a gold pendant. Practically priceless. Perhaps I could interest you in something in our display here?" She indicates a case, which Ben dismisses. He's seen what he wants.

"What's the cost?"

"Fifty thousand credits."

The price is steep. But now that he's seen the pendant, he wants nothing more than to see his mother wearing it. He can't imagine spending her money on such a thing.

Lord Snoke has always said to take what he wants. "Give it to me."

The girl laughs. "I'll need to see your credits first."

Ben closes his eyes and touches his power. He repeats, "Give it to me."

Against the will of her own limbs, the girl moves towards the front window. She takes a key from her pocket and unlocks the back wall. She takes it from the shelf, carefully taking the chain from where it wraps around the false neck it is displayed against.

"Enjoy, sir," she says, placing the cool stone in his hand and pooling the gold chain against his palm.

"Thank you," Ben says. The window has a fine light which catches every facet. In his hand under the harsher glow of the shop's lights, the fire isn't so strong. The radiation-soaked blue gem isn't as lovely now.

Ben hands the pendant back to the girl. "I've changed my mind."

He turns and walks out. As the door closes, he can hear running feet, and the beginning of shouts. Not at him, no, but at the girl holding the valuable gem and about to lose her job.

He walks away.

* * *

Mother's been busy with her work. She's a life-long public servant, now assisting with the convocation of Ambassadors which Coruscant has been hosting for the last six months. The Ambassadors have different designs than the Senators, which has led to no end of late night arguments among people who really should know better.

"There's been another attack by the First Order," she says, sliding into her chair at the dinner table. Father offers her the dishes he purchased earlier. Neither of them has time to cook, and Threepio won't abide a cooking droid around.

"Between you and me," Father has confided, "Goldenrod talked the last one to death. We've got to get Luke back here just so he can jabber to R2 for a while."

"I'll pass the word along."

Now he's watching his parents, sure he's missing something. He's had that feeling before, but this is his mother's territory, and she's a blank page to him. "What's the First Order?"

"Remnants of the Empire. We cut off the head, but we couldn't take out all the branches, if you'll excuse the mixed metaphor. Empire holdouts and sympathizers have been building their own alliances." Her face is drawn as she takes a bite.

"There's more than you're saying."

"They're nasty," Father tells him.

Mother says, "They've been raiding planets in the Outer Rim. They'll wipe out entire villages and take their resources. We've discovered recently they've been capturing children from those villages."

"Capturing them? Why?"

"We don't know. The Empire was evil. Their acolytes are capable of anything." Her tone is angry, determined. She doesn't know if the children are being abused or sacrificed to some dark purpose. She intends to stop what's happening no matter what. Her words resonate. She grew up fighting the Empire. Darth Vader nearly killed her. Her anger at them and at him nearly shakes the table.

Lord Snoke says anger is the purest emotion.

"Happier topic," says Father. "Chewbacca landed us a transport job out to Ubertica and back. I thought you might like to come along, Ben." His eagerness shines through the question.

"Let me think about it?"

"Sure."

They fall into more pleasant chatter. Ben barely engages in the conversation, thinking again how lovely the necklace would have been around his mother's neck.

He retires to his room for some quiet. He tries to meditate, but can't find his focus. At last, he contacts Lord Snoke.

_"Are you ready for lessons?"_

"Are you with the First Order?"

The figure hesitates. _"What gave you that insight?"_

Insight. His Master thinks he has insight. Ben beams proudly within himself. "I thought it made sense. Are you?"

_"I seek the return of order to the galaxy after the chaos we've lived through over the last decade. The First Order's goal is to restore necessary structure."_

"By kidnapping children?"

_"Slanders, I'm afraid. Yes, the Order has come up against blatant attacks against our personal sovereignty and we have defended ourselves. Our decision not to allow harmless infants to be left behind to starve should be applauded for its soft-heartedness."_

His mother was very angry. Ben can't imagine for an instant she would be furious over rescues. "You murder parents and steal their children away."

Snoke sighs deeply. _"My dear apprentice, we are not going to be able to continue if you insist on going down this ridiculous path. Enjoy your Jedi training with your uncle."_ He reaches for his side of the transmitter. He winks out of sight.

Ben suddenly feels terribly, achingly isolated. Lord Snoke has become his friend and confidant over the last year. The other Padawans have their own friends. They don't exclude Ben, but they have respected his desire for privacy enough that he no longer feels close to any of them. Uncle Luke keeps him at a careful distance to avoid trouble. His parents haven't seen him in two years, and when he goes back to school, he may not see them again until he's an adult.

He's alone.

He presses the transmitter button again. Nothing happens. Fear settles in his stomach. He waits, and sends another message.

Minutes later, Lord Snoke appears in his room. Ben nearly sobs with relief.

"Master. I'm sorry. I did not mean to imply fault. Please don't go away again."

_"Very well. Speak no more of it."_

"Thank you. Thank you, Master."

They work on Ben's exercises together. His senses are elsewhere when his bedroom door opens. Ben pulls himself into his own head like a shot, staring in horror as his father looks at the hologram. Lord Snoke shuts off the transmission from his side.

"Sorry," Father says. "Who was that?"

"Oh. That was. My friend." He can't breathe. He can't think. But his father doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he's smiling.

"That's great. I'm glad you're making friends. Someone from school?"

"Yes. One of the older students."

"I didn't mean to interrupt. I wanted to know if you'd thought about the trip." Trip. Ubertica. Right.

"I'd love to. But after, I should probably return to school. I need to get back to my studies. I'm sure Uncle Luke will be returning soon."

"Then let's plan to drop you off on our way back here."

"Sounds good," Ben says. "Thanks."

* * *

His mother isn't crying. She hugs him good-bye and tells him she loves him and she sends her love to Luke and R2-D2.

He doesn't know this is the last time the three of them will be in the same place together. At fourteen, Ben believes he will always come home to his parents. He also believes he is basically an adult now, far more capable than his father and ready to become a warrior.

The transmitter is in his pocket. So is the topaz necklace.

"Be good," Mother says.

* * *

Ubertica is dull. Trapped here on the ship with Chewie and his father, Ben chafes against the time he's losing with his training.

"When is your friend returning to school?" asks his oblivious father.

"Soon."

"Good. You can have a study partner while you wait for Luke to get his butt back to work." Father has taken on extra supplies to drop off for the school. "Gift from your mother," he explains, checking the crates for leaks. "I said Luke was handling it, but she wants to make sure you're eating."

"Thank her for me."

"I got a transmission an hour ago from Lando. He's upset he didn't get a chance to see you back on Coruscant. We could drop back for a few days."

"He's your friend, Father. I have my own. Tell him I said hello."

"Fine, fine. Maybe he and I will drop by in a couple of months to visit."

"That'd be great."

Calrissian isn't Force-sensitive and he has access to a large amount of sensitive information. Poking through his memories would be valuable. Lord Snoke is interested in everything Ben can find out about the inner workings of the New Republic. Ben's been helpful. In return, Lord Snoke has allowed him to see holograms of some of the children. They're not being hurt, or tossed into volcanoes in the name of Ben's grandfather. The children are cared for by First Order crèche droids. They go to school. Ben talks about what he uncovers, and he is permitted to see that the missing children are better nurtured than they would be in Republic orphanages.

He tries not to think about their parents.

* * *

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

Uncle Luke returns to the school a day after Ben does. His father is disappointed not to see his old friend. "Next time," Uncle Luke sends in his own transmission. "Bring Leia."

_"I'm already bringing Lando, and Chewie snores. You have enough room for us all?"_

"We'll make room."

Ben waits until the transmission closes. He's been pondering this ever since he went on his holiday, but the man he needs to talk to has been gone.

"Something wrong? A little homesick?" His uncle's eyes are clear and kind. He too has taken children from their families, although he claims it is with the permission of their parents. His ship arrived with twelve new apprentices, only one older than Ben. The school is outgrowing its sole teacher.

"Mother sends her love." Luke smiles. "She said you had the ability to read minds." The smile drops.

"I did for a while. During my battle on the second Death Star, I was hit with a huge barrage of Dark energy. It took a long time to dissipate. I could read everyone's thoughts at the time." Another smile ghosts over his face, contemplative. "That wasn't my finest hour."

"You went to the Dark Side."

"Sit down."

Ben sits at the chair. Luke sits on his bunk, drawing his legs up against himself like a child. "The Dark Side is always a temptation. My father found the key to tempt me. He drove me to anger to try to kill him. If I'd succeeded, I would have fallen to the Dark Side forever."

"You're not on the Dark Side now."

"I came back. I didn't want to turn into him." He flexes his metal hand. He's lost the false flesh covering it, showing the robotic joints.

"What was the key? What turned you?"

Luke stares at him for a long moment. "There's another question you want to ask."

"I can read thoughts." He hasn't admitted this out loud to anyone but Snoke. The revelation feels like a grand declaration of intent.

"I know. You've had the skill for years. I've been trying to train it out of you."

"What?" He's floored. This has been his most horrifying secret, and his uncle sits there as though it's nothing. "What do you mean, train it out of me?"

"I've told you. It's Dark Side magic. You can access it when you're angry, when you're afraid. The Dark Side can lure you into violating others' privacy, and every time, it's easier to dismiss as no big deal." He watches Ben. "If you've been doing it more, you need to stop. It's for your own sake as well as theirs."

"Your mind is shielded. So is Mother's."

"Yes."

"Father's isn't."

There's a loud sigh. "No, and no matter how much we both told him it was important to learn, he never bothered. But that's not as serious as your going in there to dig around. That's not what we do, Ben. It's against the whole idea of the Jedi teachings."

He's being lectured like a youngling again. He's too old for that nonsense. "What do the teachings say about sleeping with your own sister?"

The blow lands exactly as hard as Ben hopes. If he's hoping to stimulate his uncle's worst impulses, he's probably found that same key to his anger. To his greatness, Snoke would say.

Uncle Luke composes himself instantly, and Ben reassesses. Not anger. Sorrow. "The Order wasn't keen on Jedi forming any attachments. Falling in love or having children was discouraged. Our parents kept their marriage a secret until it was too late."

"You're avoiding the question."

"No, I am explaining my answer. We didn't know when we met. You know that story. By the time we did know, it didn't matter to us. There was no one in the galaxy I loved more than Leia and Han. I couldn't imagine caring more deeply about someone than I did, and they felt the same. Then you were born."

"I ruined it all. They pushed you away because of me." It's clear now. Ben's birth destroyed what the three of them had, and no matter how wicked they'd been, they all resent him.

Luke watches his face for a moment, although Ben is sure his thoughts are a million miles away. "They don't prepare you. I think it's different for mothers who feel their children growing inside them. I wish I could go back and ask my aunt and uncle. I think they would have understood."

Of course. Uncle Luke had destroyed them as well. "You can't."

Luke refocuses on the here and now. "No. They've never come to me since. Ben, if you have kids someday, there's going to be a moment in your life where everything changes. One day, you'll be with the person you love more than anything, or if you're very lucky, the people you love. They'll be your world, and you won't be able to picture loving anyone else that much because you're already full up to bursting. The very next day, they'll introduce you to a small person you meet for the first time, and on that day you'll discover there's someone even more precious to you. I had no idea I could love someone more than I did Leia and Han. But there you were, and I understand now why the Order never wanted Jedi to have to choose between their duty and their hearts."

It's a truth deeper than anything else Ben has ever learned. "You weren't just there the day I was born." He can't ask the other question.

Luke gives him a look, and while Ben can't read his mind, he can see the surface thought very clearly: _What is my life?_ "Ben, I am not your father."

A weird pressure unclenches from his heart. "You're sure?"

"Positive. We were very careful." He offers up another smile. "This can't be easy for you, and I'm sorry. I left when you were little because keeping you safe was more important than anything else. You wouldn't grow up lying and hiding. And I was more than a little selfish, too. I nearly fell to protect your mother. I would have led the Sith myself to protect you, from the moment I met you. I needed space. Never, ever let yourself think for a moment I don't love them or you."

A Jedi should not have any attachments, he thinks. He's not sure how to feel about learning how much of an attachment he is.

"Father's still heartbroken."

"I know. Leia moved on because she knew I was right. She didn't like it, but she eventually saw what was best for you, and accepted it was best for me. Han still wishes we could find a way to go back to how things were." The thought is vaguely horrible. The last thing he wants to consider is the possibility his parents are still having sex with each other or with anyone else.

"He's a fool."

"Then he's no worse than any of us. If you choose to tell someone else, all I ask is that you let me know. I'd like Leia to have time to prepare."

"You think it will hurt her career?"

"There's a chance. It's been over a decade, and everyone who matters knows we met as adults. The fallout for her isn't going to be as severe as when you were small. Just please, be careful with yourself. You know the truth, but people could still hurt you."

"I won't tell anyone."

"All right. It's your choice. I think it's a wise decision. And speaking of good decisions, I'll thank you for not reading anyone else's mind without their permission. That isn't a road you want to go down."

* * *

"Did you know?"

_"I know many things, my dear apprentice."_

The forest glade where Ben most often meets with his Master is dark, and silent. He no longer hears the loud call of the night creatures, or the mating songs of the insects around him. He's aware of them, but he will not be disturbed here.

"My parents took my uncle as their lover for several years. He was with them the night I was conceived."

Lord Snoke's face shows surprise, which he masks. _"That's a hard revelation to uncover. You must be full of questions. A man should know who his true father is."_

"I know who my father is. Luke told me they were very careful. Worse, I can feel the truth inside of me." Ben scowls. "Master, Lord Vader was the strongest being the Force ever produced. I could have had all his power, but my mother chose to breed with a lesser human although she had the opportunity to capture his full bloodline."

He squeezes his fist. All the times the other apprentices have overtaken him, all the studies he hasn't been the top student on, all of these could have been swept away. "I've always been powerful. But my father's blood is in my veins and I am not as strong as I should be. They denied me."

Snoke watches him, hologram flickering as his face settles into a new expression. Ben reads surprise, and perhaps he's earned this one. Any other would be glad to learn they are not the product of two siblings. Instead, he's furious at how close he came to greatness, only to be denied by his mother's plans and his father's inferior stock. Some of his classmates have Jedi heritage on both sides going back centuries. Ben should have that advantage.

He's kept the blue topaz necklace with him, enjoying the forbidden thrill each time he takes it from his pocket to see the fire in the jewel. Piqued, he pulls it from his robe now and throws it to the ground, burying the brightness in the mud with his boot.

_"What you have lost by birthright, you may regain by training. Let us continue your lessons. Reach into the anger you feel against those who have wronged you. Prod the layers of your emotion. Feel the flame inside you, and bank the fire to embers until you need the roaring inferno. You should never be afraid of your own rage. Fury will make you strong."_

"That's the Dark Side talking."

_"We have spoken of this. There is no Light, no Dark. There is only strength."_

Anger still bubbling down to his feet, Ben captures the feelings and directs them in a blast of raw power against a decaying tree.

_"Excellent."_

* * *

The new apprentices quickly find their place at the school. The youngest is only three. "Gifted," Uncle Luke says, watching Ylla take the younglings into hand. She's hardly older than they are and already surpassing many of the older Padawans. Ben is progressing with his own studies. He can sit in perfect calm for an hour, even stopping his own heart. He can summon items to his hand with a thought. But Ylla can do so effortlessly, and Marl can balance on one finger, and Jaya has memorized every book Luke owns, including the newest tomes. When a four year old apprentice creates a perfect blue sphere on her very first try, Ben swallows the memory of his own failure.

Ben's group advances to a new set of lessons. Luke has led them to the mountains, deep into a cave lit only by their small lanterns. The other Padawans marvel at the majestic stalactites and stalagmites looming around them in massive teeth dripping over centuries towards each other, yearning to touch and form pillars of stone. Ben's gaze is drawn again and again to a formation at one side of the cave. A gnarled helictite, bone white and ancient, stares back at him. He can almost make out a ruined face in the calcite formation, grinning at his discomfort from its long wait in the darkness.

"There's a well of Force energy here," Luke explains. He doesn't appear to see the crumpled stone, but instead focuses on the straight, solid rocks with their slow drip. "We can use it to help ourselves tap into our own foresight."

"We can see the future?" asks Ylla. Prescience is not one of her powers, Ben is pleased to discover.

"We can interpret visions," Luke says. "But there are dangers. You may see part of the future only to find out later the larger picture is very different."

"That happened to you," Ben says. He knows this story.

"Yes. Darth Vader seized your parents and tortured them, knowing I'd see. He assumed, correctly, that I'd drop everything to come to their rescue, and he set a trap for me. I never saw the trap in my visions, only that my friends would be in pain." He turns to the other students, who sit forward eagerly. They drink up stories of the Rebellion and its heroes as much as Ben does. He regrets mentioning the incident. That was his story to know, not theirs.

He throws himself into his work. He's always had foresight. Obviously he will see something as Uncle Luke instructs the class to close their eyes and look within.

He does.

His energies stretch out from inside, pushing into Time as merely another direction. He travels along a purple path, enticing and narrow, tunneling into a future only he can see. Armies arise before him, and great battle. War looms on the horizon. Ben reaches out his hand, a ghostly touch, and removes the helmet of one soldier. A young boy stares up at him, frightened dark eyes in a dark face under gleaming white armor. Opposite his battalion, ranks of small bodies face them grimly. The children shout and run at each other, and Ben cannot stop them, can only watch as blasters fire and lightsabers flash.

Ben falls through and away from his vision, genuinely frightened. The war will be fought with children.

The First Order is raising children to their needs. And sitting around him, eyes tightly shut and searching their own feelings, are the young soldiers his uncle is raising to send against them. It's going to be a horrible slaughter, piling small corpses to rot where they fall.

He sobs and collapses to the ground. Moments later, Uncle Luke has his arms around him, and is checking his pulse, his eyes. "Hey." Luke brushes hair from Ben's face. "I didn't expect the visions to take you so hard." He places a gentle hand on Ben's forehead, but he will point with that hand and send his young apprentices to kill other lost children.

"I'll be fine," Ben says, sitting up. The rest of the students watch him. He can't tell them what he saw. Visions aren't always what they appear to be.

"I saw my mother and father," Marl volunteers, and for once, Ben is grateful not to be the center of attention. He lets Luke help him to a more comfortable position and listens attentively, trying to still the fear in his own heart as Marl works through a vision of his parents' sorrow.

His eyes go back to the helictite. One disturbance in the flow of the water back in the helictite's distant past, one bend in the crystals at its heart, long ago gave rise to a bloated, distorted bloom which hangs cancerous on the cave wall, watching him and awaiting the inevitable return to eternal darkness once the students are gone.

* * *

"Tell me what the First Order intends to do with the children." Ben has mastered his coldest tone. He's heard his mother use this voice on recalcitrant Senators and impenitent ex-Imperials. Now he's better than she is, demanding the truth from Lord Snoke.

_"I have shown you. They are being raised and educated."_

"For war?"

_"For their own safety and security. The galaxy is a hard place. The First Order wishes to restore peace. Our new recruits will know discipline, and they will show the Republic the meaning of true order."_

"I had a vision, Master. I saw the First Order's armies fighting against the Republic's armies. They were all children."

_"Your insight is growing. But visions are only part of the future. You can alter what may be."_

"I'm not strong enough."

 _"You will be. I will teach you to be strong. I will show you how to change the future you see in your visions."_ Lord Snoke smiles genially. _"Wars need two sides, after all. Mutually-assured destruction is a fool's dream. You can prevent the Republic's child soldiers from ever taking arms. You, Ben Skywalker, may prevent the war yourself."_

"Don't call me that." It's an absent annoyance. Ben can prevent the war. He can become the greatest hero of all, saving the galaxy from itself.

_"I am gathering my students together. You are ready to advance to the next level, but you should be with the rest of my apprentices."_

A flare of anger moves through him. Until this moment, he's believed himself unique. "I don't need another school where I can be second or third best. I have that here."

 _"Hardly. You are by far my most promising pupil, out-stripping the others by lightyears. You will be their leader, as you well deserve."_ Snoke tips his head regally. _"Should you choose, you will be the first of a new elite: The Knights of Ren. You can leave your old life behind you, the old wounds and old disappointments. I will give you a new name and a new purpose. You are ready."_

He fills with pride and eagerness. Lord Snoke has been readying him all this time, and wants him at his side to finish his training. He wants this, but he's not positive. Something holds him back. "I've not finished learning everything I can from Luke. I could be useful here, continuing to gather information for you."

_"Are you frightened?"_

He is, more than a bit. If he walks away now, he'll never complete his Jedi training. He may complete another curriculum, but it won't be the same. He'll have to steal another ship, Luke's ship, and he won't be forgiven twice. This has the stamp of permanency. He can't risk choosing the wrong direction. "I don't want to leave the school forever."

_"You won't. I assure you, when the time comes, you will return to your school as the most powerful among them. I have foreseen it. Join me."_

He will be great. He will be strong. He will have mastery over the Force. He will show the galaxy what he can do by preventing two groups of young children from killing each other in a battle they cannot understand. He will show his parents their error in holding him back, in defying his destiny, and they will anguish over their mistake. He will return to this world, to this school, and he show them his true power.

He will show them all.

"Yes."

end


End file.
